Two persons who unite their lives to help each other toward divine realisation are founding their marriage on the right basis: unconditional friendship.
To develop pure and unconditional love between husband and wife, parent and child, friend and friend, self and all, is the lesson we have come on earth to learn.
True marriage is a laboratory in which poisons of selfishness, bad temper, and bad behavior may be poured into the test tube of patience and neutralised and changed by the catalytic power of love and constant effort to behave nobly.
If there is a habit or quality in your mate that rouses unlovely traits in your disposition, you should realise the purpose of this circumstance: to bring to the surface those poisons hidden within you so that you may eliminate them and thus purify your nature.
The greatest thing a husband or wife can wish for the spouse is spirituality; for soul unfoldment brings out the divine qualities of understanding, patience, thoughtfulness, love. But each should remember that the desire for spiritual growth cannot be forced on the other. Live love yourself, and your goodness will inspire all your loved ones.
Unless married couples keep in mind the true high purpose of marriage, they may never enjoy a really happy life together. Oversexuality, too much familiarity, lack of courtesy, suspiciousness, insulting speech or acts, arguing before children or guests, crankiness, and unloading of troubles or anger on one’s mate should be disallowed if marriage is to be ideal.
The first and most essential requirement for a happy marriage is soul unity- similarity of spiritual ideals and goals, implemented by a practical willingness to attain those goals by study, effort, and self-discipline. Couples who possess soul unity will be able to make a success of marriage even if no other desirable basis is present.
The second requirement for a happy marriage is similarity of interest- intellectual, social, environmental, and so on.
The third, and last in importance (though usually given first place by unenlightened people), is physical attraction. That bond soon loses its attractive power if the first requirement, or the first and second requirements, are not also present.
People who want to marry should first have to learn to control their emotions. Two people placed together in the arena of marriage without this training battle worse than opponents in a World War! Wars, at least, come to an end after a time; but some marital partners engage in combat throughout life. You would think that in a civilised society, people should know how to get along, but few have learned this art. A marriage should be nurtured on high ideals and the wine of God’s inspiration; then it will be a happy and mutually beneficial union.
If husbands and wives who are accustomed to using each other for target practice, using bullets of wrathful language and discourtesies, would try instead to entertain each other with the soul-solacing charm of kind words, they would then create a new happiness in family life.
When the husband serves the wife, and she serves him, each with the desire to see the other happy, Christ Consciousness- God’s loving Cosmic Intelligence that permeates every atom of creation- has begun to express itself through their consciousness.
When two people feel an unconditional attraction for each other, and are ready to sacrifise for one another, they are truly in love.
Meditate together every morning, and especially at night… Have a little family altar where both husband and wife, and children, gather to offer deep devotion unto God and unite their souls forever in ever-joyous Cosmic Consciousness…. The more you meditate together, the deeper your love for one another will grow.
Extract from the book “Where There Is Light” by Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda.
