Getting Along With Others- Overcoming Negative Emotions

“Aren’t your teachings about controlling the emotions dangerous?” a student asked. “Many psychologists claim that suppression leads to mental maladjustments and even to physical illness.” Paramahansa Yogananda replied: “Suppression is harmful- holding the thought that you want something but doing nothing constructive to get it. Self-control is beneficial- patiently replacing wrong thoughts by right ones, changing reprehensible actions to helpful ones.” Those who dwell on evil hurt themselves. Men who fill their minds with wisdom and their lives with constructive activities spare themselves ignoble suffering.”

“Wrath springs only from thwarted desires,” (Sri Yukteswar said). “I do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot be in opposition to wishes of mine.”

If someone hurts you deeply, you remember it. But instead of concentrating on that, you should think of all the good things about the person who has hurt you, and of all the goodness that you have in your life. Don’t take notice of the insults people give you.

Concentrate on trying to behold God in your enemy; for by doing so you release yourself from evil vengeful desires that destroy your peace of mind. By heaping hatred upon hatred, or giving hate in return for hate, you not only increase your enemy’s hostility toward you; you poison your system, physically as well as emotionally, with your own venom.

Have only love in your heart for others. The more you see the good in them, the more you will establish good in yourself. Hold the consciousness of good. The way to make people good is to see the good in them. Do not nag them. Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.

Cleanse your mind of all adverse criticism of others. Use a look or a hint to correct lovingly a receptive person, but do not force correction, and do not continue to hold critical thoughts, even though you remain silent.

Thoughts can sometimes be more effective than words. The human mind is the most powerful broadcasting machine there is. If you constantly broadcast positive thoughts with love, those thoughts will have an effect on others. (Similarly, if you broadcast jealousy or hatred, others receive those thoughts and respond accordingly.) Ask God to put His power behind your efforts. If, for instance, it is the husband that is going astray, the wife should pray to God: “Lord, help me to help my husband. Keep all taint of jealousy and resentment out of my heart. I only pray that he realise his error and change. Lord, be with him; and bless me that I do my part.” If your communion with God is deep, you will see that person change.

It is easy to strike back, but to give love is the highest way to try to disarm your persecutor. Even if it doesn’t work at the time, he will never be able to forget that when he gave you a slap, you gave love in return. That love must be sincere; when it comes from the heart, love is magical. You should not look for the effects; even if your love is spurned, pay no attention. Give love and forget. Don’t expect anything; then you will see the magical result.

Extract from the book “Where There Is Light”, by Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda.

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